Individual Progress

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. ~Romans 12:2

Hopefully, we're making some progress in our own individual lives. I hope that every person can feel he or she is a little better today than they were yesterday, a little kinder, a little more gracious, a little more generous, a little more honest in purpose and word and deed, a little stronger for the right, a little stronger to resist the wrong. ~President Gordon B. Hinckley "Stand A Little Taller"

~

The purpose of this life is to progress and become more like our Savior. I think every one of us is progressing in one way or another every day, despite the mistakes we make. Overcoming those obstacles, weaknesses and blunders gives us experience. I have been through my share of trials, horrible choices, failings, flaws, deficiencies, fears and even phobias. I have been bruised and battered and scarred and hardened by vile things that have happened to me and the mental and emotional illnesses I've been given to deal with in this life. For a long time I looked at these things as nothing but negative. I thought I would never gain control over my bipolar disorder. I thought I would never be able to leave my house again without feeling panic. I thought I would never feel comfortable giving a friend a hug. 

But I'm here to tell you that those "scars" weren't scars after all. I don't believe anyone is truly scarred. I am still working through some things, but a lot of the hard things I thought I would be haunted with for the rest of my life have melted away. The Savior bled at Gethsemane and died on the cross so that I wouldn't have to suffer these things. As long as I look to Him in faith and try to live my life the best I can, I can overcome any obstacle. 

I became emotionally unstable and bipolar when I hit puberty. I was in constant fear of myself. Every moment of every day was laced with panic. I felt completely out of control. I scared away all my loved ones and friends and alienated my family by treating them horribly. Now, as I look back on those years, even though they were awful emotionally I was growing stronger every day because I kept fighting to improve. I was diagnosed five years ago after spending eight years battling this mental illness with no outside help. I progressed as far as I could with the tools I was given. I was put on some medication that helps keep my moods from shooting to extremes and I started seeing a therapist. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. My relationships with loved ones are full and complete. Because of that trial I grew stronger emotionally than I ever thought possible. Now I'm finding being bipolar is a blessing. Because I feel strongly I'm able to empathize with others. I'm able to love powerfully. I'm able to feel the Spirit strongly. Because my emotions are strong I recognize the negative ones immediately and am able to face them and analyze them to try and find a healthier way to deal with things. 

As long as I try, even if I have long moments of mistake after mistake, I will progress. Because each time I get back up and address an issue I am becoming stronger. I am gaining experience, and I can use that experience to help others in need. When I overcome things it makes me more aware of other peoples struggles. It makes me want to help others see that light at the end of the tunnel. It makes me a little better every day. It makes me kinder, more gracious, generous, honest and a little stronger. A lot stronger. All I have to do is keep trying.